It means I’m exhausted. I physically and mentally can’t do anything anymore. The thought of moving a limb or even blinking seems impossible.
It means I’m in so much pain (mentally, physically, sometimes both) that I no longer feel like I can continue living life. I can’t cover up the pain anymore or control it.
It means that no matter how hard you try or I try I just need my bed, darkness, quiet, and ice or heat.
It means that I don’t want to be around anyone. I just want to be left alone. I want to distant myself from the world for a day or maybe even a week, until I can get my pain under “control” again. I don’t want to check my phone, I don’t want to text you or talk to you. It’s nothing personal, it’s truly what I need.
It feels like I have hit a wall. Like I have given into the brain fog. I’m just staring out into space not able to focus on anything. I hear noise, I see movement but none of it registers, none of it means anything. I am stuck in my own mind, in my own fog.
Saying “I’m tired” means so much more to someone in chronic pain than it does to a “normal” person. It’s not just I need to go to bed early tonight, take a nap, or sleep an extra hour or two. It’s a tiredness, an exhaustion, that is hard to admit, hard to explain, and hard to go through. Therefore it’s easier to simply say, “I’m tired.”
It’s easier for you because you don’t have to try and comprehend what I am going through. It’s easier for me because I don’t have to see the puzzled look on your face. I don’t have to hear the, “I’m sorry” or all the ideas you have on how to cure my illnesses.